the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize