____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize