One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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