I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just googled if crying burns calories
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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