Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
