She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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