You made me cry and you don't even care
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
