Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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