I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
