You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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