Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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