Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
