Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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