also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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