Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
