she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize