Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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