I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
