new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
