It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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