9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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