her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
