I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
