Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
