Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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