i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
