If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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