Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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