theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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