Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize