I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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