hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
