Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
