Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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