ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
