Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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