hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wish you could order shots online.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
