just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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