Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
