In the future we'll all be gay
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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