I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
