I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize