We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
