i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
