Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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