Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
