Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
the liver wants what the liver wants
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
