I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
