My Higher Power is John Stamos
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
