Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
