you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize