Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
