Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
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