our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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