So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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