i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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