Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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