My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
