Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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