I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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