is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
