I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
