I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
