I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
