how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
