I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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