We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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