I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
